I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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