wrigley field is MILF paradise
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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