Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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