tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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