Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
