He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
