his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
