she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
