I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
