It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
