No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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