And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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