Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
