my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
