dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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