Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
