she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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