these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
