Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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