Its about making memories worth repressing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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