i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
