Screwed.edu
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
