i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
