Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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