i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
