If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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