I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
