it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
