You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
