porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
