so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
