I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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