One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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