that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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