He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
