Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
