Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Blood and glitter go together right?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
