id be glad to
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
