I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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