It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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