until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
