I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dignity is for republicans.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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