I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
