cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You took a bar mat shot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wear drunk well.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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