You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
