Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
