That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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