If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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