epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My vagina is officially offended.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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