i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
