I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so explain again why im purple
no
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
