So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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