Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want her autograph on my taint
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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