PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
