The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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