You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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