Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it's like iHOP with fire
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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