watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
