Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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