So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize