it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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