I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
