remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
