Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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