so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize