I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
