The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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