just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
