The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
