dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
